兎の日記

I don't typically mention the fact that I'm a lesbian online. A lot of people have their descriptors on their bio - I don't, because... 1.) I tend to be more private these days. 2.) Everyone and their mother feels extreme demented rage towards anyone self describing as a lesbian. I don't want to get hate.

However, I do have it on one app I use. An app where guys like to flirt with you, where they aren't even supposed to. And I suppose, since some people on the app might be homophobic, I might as well be open or give them the heads up 'cuz I know I definitely don't want to be bonding with someone to find out they hate people like me or they just want to fuck me. I don't even have it explicitly said, though - I just use the rainbow flag.

And yeah, sometimes people are curious about that. Sometimes it sounds like they have a problem with it. I tend to give that energy back. And yadda yadda, to get on with it, one of the people whose rooms I sometimes go to, gave his opinion for some reason that if someone mentions they're LGBT they're basically advertising what turns them and that it's a sexual topic and it's not allowed on the site.

And I realize he's just ignorant. Straight people don't have to pretend to be another sexuality to fit in or avoid hate. They don't have to bring up their sexuality to avoid weird things, because theirs is already assummed. They just don't know.

But I hate that some people like him can only think of being LGB in terms of sex or arousal. Yes, there are sexual elements involved in sexual orientation. Shocker! Buuut it's not just sex or attraction. It's also romance, love, connection, it's how you respond to things, it's who you are. I'd rather be upfront from the get-go.

I know that sounds like a contradiction of what I said previously, but though I'm quiet, if I feel something's heading a certain way, I bring it up. Sometimes it rolls into something worse, which is something I also try to avoid for my peace of mind, but other times it just feels like the right call.

So yeah, I'm (rainbow flag)! So what? If you think I'm advertising sexually, that's the conclusion YOU came to, that's not on me. Yeah, I don't want men to flirt with me while I'm on a fucking language learning app. And no, I don't care if you think gay or lesbian sex is hot. If you don't like gay people, then fuck off. This is who I am. Also other gay people hi!!! <-- what the rainbow flag emoji is actually for lol

Due to not having not been able to eat because of covid and nausea, I ended up losing around 25 pounds. When I last checked the scale, I was 130 pounds - the weight I was before I started drinking so much yoohoo/chocolate milk and then too many goodies. Now since the nausea left and I'm slowly regaining my sense of taste, I keep nibbling on things and I'm worried I'm gonna get fat again TT I feel like this nibbling is a hard habit to kick... I do it mainly because I'm bored, but right now I find covid is giving me the hungries... and then when you drink water, which I've been doing more of, I read that it makes you hungry too D8

Yesterday I tried a protein shake because I'd like get into them so I could use them when I don't feel like eating or when there's no food in the house but it tasted like shit ;; so whatever... I guess I really just need to try excercise, but I never end up doing it because it feels like a chore. If only it wasn't so cold out.