兎の日記

Ugh. I keep feeling bothered when I remember an asinine facebook post some "autism mom" made. It was about her being worried about her autistic child's future vs. "hf" autistic people having opinions about the symbols representing us and how "we are not the same". Because obviously, an autistic person having an opinion you don't like MUST mean they have no struggles or challenges... how fucking idiotic and unfair is that? And most of the content, while she often posts about the daily challenges faced by her son, is often used to be pitted against lower support needs autistics and why we have no issues or aren't really, genuinely autistic. I mean, it's what you can expect from somebody who's clearly bitter about other people and maybe her son for having the life he does, but it's not like it's our fault. These "autism" parents act like we're the reason their children apparently don't receive help or that resources for more afflicted people get shut down, but when we have no social or institutional power I fail to see how that can be. There ARE things I can see like , but many of the criticisms we make have valid points and I think we have the right to express them, express how the medical world treats us and how it impacts us when we don't get our needs met. I mean, apparently, neurotypicals are the only ones who are allowed to advocate our interests or express ideas on how autism is perceived, so why the fuck can't we? And why would that expression diminish our struggles and pasts? It's cruel to say that. It's ableist and unfair.

It's really upsetting to see people claiming narc (and other cluster b) abuse isn't real and that people who suffered it just made up what they went through for attention. That they're trying to seem special compared to other abused people and are stigmatizing people who have npd. That they're ableist and should just refer to what they went through as "abuse" and that only. Neverminding the fact that a lot of people with npd had suffered narcissistic abuse themselves... it's just objectively wrong because there's a pattern in abuse by narcs (...and socios and borders...) that psychiatrists have identified and use to help people who suffered that type of abuse (as well as shine a light in the eye of those who do it). These people go on and on about how people who endured narc abuse are just liars and ableists (a kind version of what I read) and think they genuinely sound like good people. I'm angry because it's an invalidation to what I've experienced myself, but you know, my heart breaks for people who had gone through it--especially the worst of it and now have to see from "disability advocates" how ableist and snowflake-y they are for talking about what they were put through. Neverminding the fact narc abuse causes ptsd and that to say it's not real is like erasing the source of that trauma and everything they've been through and had to heal from, with parents or partners, or friends, and the denial of it would be further preventing other people from being able to understand, process, or talk about what happened to them. :/ That in itself is ableist, as well as a special kind of abuse: gaslighting. It's not much different from narcissists themselves saying "no, that never happened, you imagined it". 

My hunch is it's either naive kids who think just because someone has a disorder they'rre untouchable or narcs/cluster bs themselves who just can't handle the reality of what they've done, diagnosed or not. The way I've seen people talk about it is very cruel. And if it's because they were told they were a narcissist... you know, a normal person wouldn't react that way. They wouldn't say such vicious things.

I have other thoughts, but I'm so tired. I only had three hours sleep.

edit. One of the arguments I've seen people saying was that it the term narc abuse enables terms like "depressive abuse, bipolar abuse*, autism abuse" but most of these don't hold up because depression, anxiety, autism etc. aren't maladaptive behaviors that are harmful to others. Depression and anxiety are chemical imbalances that, while they can make you irritable, don't make you abusive. Bipolar abuse on the other hand is very real and what I've been experiencing my whole life lol even if bipolar is also a chemical imbalance, the rage, verbal abuse, and narcissism is real and damaging to loved ones, particularly children. People who can't regulate emotions like anger well do tend to be abusive to others, emotionally or physically, and that's an actual problem. It can be more specific, like bipolar or npd, and when that's the case it does make the person abusive which it does make the abuse specific to that disorder. Bipolar people may not all be abusive, but narcissistic behaviors are inherently harmful towards others - if someone has npd or traits of it, they are engaging in negative behaviors towards others that may range from "smaller" toxic behaviors to full on psychological abuse, or a mix. So the term "narcissistic abuse" is pretty god damn sensible, actually.