![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
So, I took my new anti anxiety medication for the first time today. I wanted to take it at 9, but I took it at 8:30 because I felt like passing out. (I couldn't go back to sleep from earlier).
I've been having a really shitty time trying to sleep lately. Half is I can't get comfortable, half my mind is active. The benadryl makes me tired but it doesn't calm me. I guess she can't give me medicine that calms me because it would interfere with the paxil. That's understandable, but it sucks when you think about how long it's going to take to have an effect. ;_;
Well... what can I update about that isn't negative? We've been getting the pepperidge farm cakes lately, which is to die for. I LOVE the chocolate fudge one. I... keep eating it. Last week I finished it off in two days >.> I think I'll probably get sick of it soon, but I'm trying to slow down on the amount of sugar I consume. I'm also making an effort to eat more apples. (Honeycrisp is so good!)
Since coffee has been making me tired lately, I've decided to hold off from it for two weeks. That means I'll get to drink it again on dec 1st and hopefully by then, it will start making me energetic and in a good mood again.
I feel June was one of the rarest months where the month and the days actually felt slow instead of fast. I notice when I look at the clock that seems to make time go by faster, but it's a habit of mine. However, I have to say this year has felt not so fast, which is nice. Maybe it's because of the friends I've made on an app I use. I was able to fill in my mental calendar with fun things and fun memories, even if it happened online. When you do things or have people to spend time with, time doesn't go so fast.
So on that, I recently returned to my friends/friend circle and things are okay. Well, bonds were lost with some, but that's okay. I'm hoping I'll be able to keep having fun and bonding with them.
Today is not as bad a day as yesterday. Yesterday was horrible. However, I'm drifting a lot today and I had trouble sleeping after I took the meds, like I talked about.
I feel like because of my sleep, the days are all blending into each other. They feel short because of when and how I wake/go to sleep, but the sun is setting towards 5 and that sucks. It's too cold to go out, so I try to go out on nice days. I've been forgetting about the park, I should try going there more to sit on the swings and imaginate.
Lately I feel like all I'm concerned about is me. I used to be hung up on the state of others, but now I feel like I'm only concerned with mine. I do still care about others, like my mom, and like I feel bad for her, but she's always been unwell. I feel really bad for her especially now but it's stressful and all the time and well, I also close myself off from her because of how she is. I have to...
But I comment on this because.... in my dream world, I notice it's my imaginary lovers often giving to me. I make love to them, I tell them I love them, I initiate with affection but... am I self centered even in my dreamworld? Can I not help but be self centered in a daydream world? Am I crazy for considering the feelings of fictional people? ...so now I'm making the effort to be giving them more attention and affection like they do for me, because even if it's daydreams I love them and I don't want to take advantage of them/I want them to feel loved too. Is that crazy???
(Honestly, even if people would consider me crazy idc. I'll always have these worlds and love people who don't exist in mine.)
I've been having a really shitty time trying to sleep lately. Half is I can't get comfortable, half my mind is active. The benadryl makes me tired but it doesn't calm me. I guess she can't give me medicine that calms me because it would interfere with the paxil. That's understandable, but it sucks when you think about how long it's going to take to have an effect. ;_;
Well... what can I update about that isn't negative? We've been getting the pepperidge farm cakes lately, which is to die for. I LOVE the chocolate fudge one. I... keep eating it. Last week I finished it off in two days >.> I think I'll probably get sick of it soon, but I'm trying to slow down on the amount of sugar I consume. I'm also making an effort to eat more apples. (Honeycrisp is so good!)
Since coffee has been making me tired lately, I've decided to hold off from it for two weeks. That means I'll get to drink it again on dec 1st and hopefully by then, it will start making me energetic and in a good mood again.
I feel June was one of the rarest months where the month and the days actually felt slow instead of fast. I notice when I look at the clock that seems to make time go by faster, but it's a habit of mine. However, I have to say this year has felt not so fast, which is nice. Maybe it's because of the friends I've made on an app I use. I was able to fill in my mental calendar with fun things and fun memories, even if it happened online. When you do things or have people to spend time with, time doesn't go so fast.
So on that, I recently returned to my friends/friend circle and things are okay. Well, bonds were lost with some, but that's okay. I'm hoping I'll be able to keep having fun and bonding with them.
Today is not as bad a day as yesterday. Yesterday was horrible. However, I'm drifting a lot today and I had trouble sleeping after I took the meds, like I talked about.
I feel like because of my sleep, the days are all blending into each other. They feel short because of when and how I wake/go to sleep, but the sun is setting towards 5 and that sucks. It's too cold to go out, so I try to go out on nice days. I've been forgetting about the park, I should try going there more to sit on the swings and imaginate.
Lately I feel like all I'm concerned about is me. I used to be hung up on the state of others, but now I feel like I'm only concerned with mine. I do still care about others, like my mom, and like I feel bad for her, but she's always been unwell. I feel really bad for her especially now but it's stressful and all the time and well, I also close myself off from her because of how she is. I have to...
But I comment on this because.... in my dream world, I notice it's my imaginary lovers often giving to me. I make love to them, I tell them I love them, I initiate with affection but... am I self centered even in my dreamworld? Can I not help but be self centered in a daydream world? Am I crazy for considering the feelings of fictional people? ...so now I'm making the effort to be giving them more attention and affection like they do for me, because even if it's daydreams I love them and I don't want to take advantage of them/I want them to feel loved too. Is that crazy???
(Honestly, even if people would consider me crazy idc. I'll always have these worlds and love people who don't exist in mine.)
