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I've been calling my mom when I'm stressed, but there's nothing she can do for me. I also feel like I shouldn't dump this stuff on her whens he's unwell, but she does it to me, but I also feel bad doing it. I feel like I'm becoming a bit narcissistic but I feel very stressed out that she might not be home for a month or more. I can't cook much beyond very simple things due to my adhd and I don't drive BECAUSE of my disabilities (this constant dissociating thing is the cherry on top lol) I barely have anything in my account and I have the remnants of my name change money I was thinking of depositing into my account when I get my card so I can get help from this one place I found that does 95 a month ._.
I know I was having drifting episodes earlier in the year when my mom was in the hospital but I don't think it was as bad as it is now. I feel very sad when I think about how two years my mom was in rehab and well, I Was enjoying my time alone but I wasn't drifting like I do now. I did struggle with staying annoyed when I got annoyed and getting angry about soso but damn, it's like all that turned into what it is now. I can't believe I thought I was getting better at one point.
I also feel like from me trying over and over to hang around people and sites that are inherently toxic to me as a disabled woman, a lesbian and a lesbian with my life experiences. Actually being able to find and see the others around was so important to me and that's why it hurts so much, being ostracized and victimized by others of my sexuality even though I never did anything wrong. I still can't understand how people claiming to be the real lesbians and gays are so comfortable being lesbophobic to lesbians. There's no empathy, just all malice. And they want to scapegoat bisexuals and claim only lesbians care about lesbians but it feels like it's lgb bisexuals who care a lot for lesbians. I feel the treatment towards them is also bad and unfounded. From burnout from homophobic bisexuals I even became biased against them, but I don't want to be. The way how lesbians and bi women get treated is fucking crazy. Acting like they're good people, acting like they're superior to others, acting like people standing for themselves is the same as discriminating against them it's fucking crazy.
I know I was having drifting episodes earlier in the year when my mom was in the hospital but I don't think it was as bad as it is now. I feel very sad when I think about how two years my mom was in rehab and well, I Was enjoying my time alone but I wasn't drifting like I do now. I did struggle with staying annoyed when I got annoyed and getting angry about soso but damn, it's like all that turned into what it is now. I can't believe I thought I was getting better at one point.
I also feel like from me trying over and over to hang around people and sites that are inherently toxic to me as a disabled woman, a lesbian and a lesbian with my life experiences. Actually being able to find and see the others around was so important to me and that's why it hurts so much, being ostracized and victimized by others of my sexuality even though I never did anything wrong. I still can't understand how people claiming to be the real lesbians and gays are so comfortable being lesbophobic to lesbians. There's no empathy, just all malice. And they want to scapegoat bisexuals and claim only lesbians care about lesbians but it feels like it's lgb bisexuals who care a lot for lesbians. I feel the treatment towards them is also bad and unfounded. From burnout from homophobic bisexuals I even became biased against them, but I don't want to be. The way how lesbians and bi women get treated is fucking crazy. Acting like they're good people, acting like they're superior to others, acting like people standing for themselves is the same as discriminating against them it's fucking crazy.
