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I feel like just changing locations has the power to offset my mood, because I finally felt okay after venting on ventapp but now coming out to do writing like I wanted I suddenly feel down and annoyed and lack the mood. I mean that's happened before, but I hope I don't end up developing bipolar.
-As I sit here for five or so minutes, I keep flashbacking to imaginary scenarios of someone giving me a hard time and judging and criticizing me based on nothing. I flash to people I'd like to be friends with talking to them as if I'm wielding a sword edged my way. I keep going back and forth and can't stop. I'm completely out of touch with reality as it goes on. It isn't so bad to imagine myself talking with a friend but it's against the rules and happens involuntarily. It's nerve-wracking because no one ever empathizes with me or cares about my feelings. It's impossible to find people who hear you because they're only concerned with themselves. They either show you they don't care then and there or lie just for the truth to come out when they're mad at you. Or they just have no idea what you're talking about. Sad.
-As I sit here for five or so minutes, I keep flashbacking to imaginary scenarios of someone giving me a hard time and judging and criticizing me based on nothing. I flash to people I'd like to be friends with talking to them as if I'm wielding a sword edged my way. I keep going back and forth and can't stop. I'm completely out of touch with reality as it goes on. It isn't so bad to imagine myself talking with a friend but it's against the rules and happens involuntarily. It's nerve-wracking because no one ever empathizes with me or cares about my feelings. It's impossible to find people who hear you because they're only concerned with themselves. They either show you they don't care then and there or lie just for the truth to come out when they're mad at you. Or they just have no idea what you're talking about. Sad.
