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I've already mentioned it on another app but damn, I am so fucking tired that when I woke up today, I thought it was earlier than what it was--that's how tired I feel. I don't feel like doing anything whether it's task or hobby, and I definitely feel too out of it to go bike riding. Taking a nap isn't an otpion since it's the middle of the day and it'll prevent me from sleeping later... x_x I wish I had those mood/energy/memory enhancing vitamins, but they're costly and I probably won't have money to get them this month.
I know I said I was grtateful things aren't worse, but again I'm down about our financial situation because whenever we'd get too low in money, it;s like I was just waiting eagerly for the next month to come so I could get a treat food, clothes, or possibly an object I want. It's like I can;'t enjoy the present because I'm always worrying about expenses and if we can buy food or not, if we have enough left for something or not. I already have that kind of issue being anxious about the future and all the time passing without living my life and I feel like that worry is falling on my shoulders once again.
So, I originally deleted this part vbecause it's gets me so upset, but I feel really bad that I don't have anyone to talk to besides family about not being able to find psyches who take my insurance. Even just to mention being mentally ill and struggling because one thing always leads to the other and people just not caring. Because of people who interrogate you and assume/judge you for not "doing enough" and continue writing you off as "refusing" to do anything versus not being able to get help because you can't find it. Like I could say I'm tired, here's what has happened: they assume I'm staying up all night because I want to, I explain I have insomnia and they they assume I haven't gone to my doctor about it, I explain I have and that the meds don't work well and that the primary says she can't do anything for me, which leads them to mentions psyches and so again, once more, I explain that I am unable to find psyches who take my insurance. So they continue to judge me and give suggestions that I have already been doing because you know, I'm not some idiot asshole with my thumb up my ass lol. It's like once you can get it to sink in that nothing can be done, they STILL dismiss you and look down on you, acting like the problem is you're just not doing anything. It's like i"m always having to explain myself because of people acting like I'm too stupid to do the obvious and making it sound like I'm just wallowing when that isn't the god damn case. I don't know why people always assume the worst in you and just can't feel empathy. I think it's hilarious because they'll seek out empathy for their own problems while being worried people will do the same to them.
But I have to be fair and say that on the app I've been using, I haven't gotten responses like that when I did mention being unable to sleep. There's really nice, (imo) normal people on there that aren't poisonous or malicious like people I've encountered on my preferred haunts. I'm also really thankful for the small actions of hug and heart buttons from others on another app.
I already fixed several typios and mispellings but I'm too tired to fix the rest.
I know I said I was grtateful things aren't worse, but again I'm down about our financial situation because whenever we'd get too low in money, it;s like I was just waiting eagerly for the next month to come so I could get a treat food, clothes, or possibly an object I want. It's like I can;'t enjoy the present because I'm always worrying about expenses and if we can buy food or not, if we have enough left for something or not. I already have that kind of issue being anxious about the future and all the time passing without living my life and I feel like that worry is falling on my shoulders once again.
So, I originally deleted this part vbecause it's gets me so upset, but I feel really bad that I don't have anyone to talk to besides family about not being able to find psyches who take my insurance. Even just to mention being mentally ill and struggling because one thing always leads to the other and people just not caring. Because of people who interrogate you and assume/judge you for not "doing enough" and continue writing you off as "refusing" to do anything versus not being able to get help because you can't find it. Like I could say I'm tired, here's what has happened: they assume I'm staying up all night because I want to, I explain I have insomnia and they they assume I haven't gone to my doctor about it, I explain I have and that the meds don't work well and that the primary says she can't do anything for me, which leads them to mentions psyches and so again, once more, I explain that I am unable to find psyches who take my insurance. So they continue to judge me and give suggestions that I have already been doing because you know, I'm not some idiot asshole with my thumb up my ass lol. It's like once you can get it to sink in that nothing can be done, they STILL dismiss you and look down on you, acting like the problem is you're just not doing anything. It's like i"m always having to explain myself because of people acting like I'm too stupid to do the obvious and making it sound like I'm just wallowing when that isn't the god damn case. I don't know why people always assume the worst in you and just can't feel empathy. I think it's hilarious because they'll seek out empathy for their own problems while being worried people will do the same to them.
But I have to be fair and say that on the app I've been using, I haven't gotten responses like that when I did mention being unable to sleep. There's really nice, (imo) normal people on there that aren't poisonous or malicious like people I've encountered on my preferred haunts. I'm also really thankful for the small actions of hug and heart buttons from others on another app.
I already fixed several typios and mispellings but I'm too tired to fix the rest.
