(no subject)

I feel so irritable and depressed from the medicine... I felt so bored today but didn't feel like doing anything. I tried singing when the mood struck, but I couldn't put feeling into it. I keep buzzing and starting to get stuck on stuff and I don't know how to self-occupy when I don't feel like doing anything.

(no subject)

I want to call my grandma tomorrow and see if I can come over either then or during the week. I keep thinking about her... I don't like when my mom or her talks like it, but she is in her 80s...she's 88 and there'll come a day when she's dancing with my grandfather again. (what she calls it). I wish I could will myself to come over there more but the dog kind of keeps me away and then sometimes... sometimes I just don't feel like going there or being around anyone. Sometimes I feel tense when my aunt and grandma are both there, like I have to keep things easy between them but I'm unlearning that feeling that because it's not my job. But otherwise I do feel alright there, I feel calm. It feels nice. And I like being with my grandma, you know. I want to see her soon.