Feeling good lately + drifting notes.

For the past 3, maybe even 4 days I've been doing pretty good mentally and emotionally. I was able to have a shower the other day that was really good. I felt good, calm, I felt normal. And I've felt that way up until I tried to sleep before. I should've known soso would appear in my head, triggering and upsetting me. Even earlier I started drifting while in the car, but I quickly snapped myself out of it. So I took a shower just before and I started drifting. I knew it was probably a bad idea, but I wanted to warm up since it got kind of cold in here. But now it's got me upset and irritated, along with the intrusions from before that. Like always, it's like my mind wants to keep going back to it, but I'm trying very hard to redirect myself.

Lately, I've started reusing things I was telling myself when I was trying to get over someone. "It doesn't serve us, so let's not think about it" / "It doesn't do us any good to think about it, so let's not" / "It just hurts us to think about it, so let's stop" and for the most part, it's been working. I've also been trying to keep to the present instead of daydreaming, saying random words to distract myself, and pointing out colors of things to pull myself away. It's been helping, and I think going out and waking up early has been too. I just wish it could help completely, like one day, I won't suffer from this at all. I'll feel normal again, and be able to live my life (somewhat) normally. What I wouldn't give not to suffer like this.

Anyway, I'm a little bored right now (and tired...long day), so I'm just trying to preoccupy myself until I can take some atarax and hope it makes me pass out.