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So, here's an update, I suppose.
I notice it's been one month since I've started taking this medicine. The first three days I was taking it, it already kicked in, and I could sleep and wake up without anxiety or drifting. I felt calm and okay. (Mostly). I still had to bat stuff away and I found saying it out loud helps. I kept it up for two weeks or more and felt great.
Then I missed two days, once because we didn't have any milk and the second because I thought it was too late. I was also getting up later, such as around 11 or 12, instead of the usual 8 or 9 and it seemed like the medicine wasn't working as well. I was able to take it a few times in the morning and it worked better, including today. So I'm going to try my best to wake up early from now on to take it, even if it means I'll go back to sleep somewhere after. Thankfully, I have the benadryl to make me fall asleep at night.
So... yeah. I've been pretty alright.
My mom though, not so much. A few months ago after bringing up groceries while I was dead asleep... her arthritis worsened and she developed a strong hip problem that at the hospital they said she needs hip replacement. We waited until December until she could finally see someone and the god damn doctor was totally indifferent to her suffering as well as rough with her. His two assistants recognized she needs hip surgery desperately, but he wants to see her in three months until she quits smoking and loses weight :/ and.... she's been really suffering, I don't know how we're gonna wait that long. Yesterday she wound up going to the hospital because she's in so much pain and can't walk to the bathroom. Moving, sitting, walking is a lot for her. She says the lord's prayer going down the stairs and cries out while getting in or out of the car. Her primary won't prescribe her any more muscle relaxants or epidurals(?) and the stupid hip doctor wouldn't prescibe her anything either. The hospital people said they gave her pain meds and were going to see about putting her in a physical rehab tomorrow but the last I talked to my mom, it hurt too much to move and she couldn't get out of bed. As she's said, the problem has just been worsening. We are having a very hard time finding other hip doctors and aren't striking luck through the insurance company. If her insurance doesn't let her go to a rehab like it's sometimes done, I don't know what to do, and if she can't find a hip surgeon when she can't walk, I don't know what to do... don't know what will become of us.
Lately, maybe because my mom is too tired to be manipulative or angry at me, or she's somehow changing, we're getting along well and I feel really close to her again. I've been having to take on more things and do stuff for her like cooking or fetching her things more often. Thanks to the medicine, I feel a little with-it in regards to energy and (somewhat) keeping on top with stuff. I feel like I basically take care of her and often have to think for her. She has a lot of brain fog from the pain. I don't like taking care of people like this, but I also feel obligated and I also would rather do something for her than hear her crying out in pain. It's a really terrible situation...
I feel like, (and she feels like too), she's always sick and something's always happening. It's been this way all of my life. I think when I was 0-5 that's when my mom wasn't strick with chronic pain. But since I was young, everything has always had to revolve around her pain and how many steps she can take, how much she can do in a day, what energy she has. I know it's not her fault but it really sucks. The law that came down hard on pain patients really sucks. And this whole shebang, indifferent doctors, lack of available care, insurance bullshit, really sucks.
My grandma hasn't been doing well either. Today she called me and she said she was doing bad - I think that's why she called. She's going to see the doctor tomorrow to see what's up. I know it's problems with her heart and breathing - last week, she had gone to the ER with congestive heart failure. I've been worried about her. It's why I'm celebrating Krissmilk without problem.
I feel bad for my mom who might not be able to come. I think this will be the third year she's had to miss out on it. I wanted her to come too because I knew she really wanted to but from the sounds of it, before the hospital, she wasn't sure about making it up the stairs. I feel bad because I won't be able to see her either. But, she told me to go even if she couldn't come. That's what she wants.
I notice it's been one month since I've started taking this medicine. The first three days I was taking it, it already kicked in, and I could sleep and wake up without anxiety or drifting. I felt calm and okay. (Mostly). I still had to bat stuff away and I found saying it out loud helps. I kept it up for two weeks or more and felt great.
Then I missed two days, once because we didn't have any milk and the second because I thought it was too late. I was also getting up later, such as around 11 or 12, instead of the usual 8 or 9 and it seemed like the medicine wasn't working as well. I was able to take it a few times in the morning and it worked better, including today. So I'm going to try my best to wake up early from now on to take it, even if it means I'll go back to sleep somewhere after. Thankfully, I have the benadryl to make me fall asleep at night.
So... yeah. I've been pretty alright.
My mom though, not so much. A few months ago after bringing up groceries while I was dead asleep... her arthritis worsened and she developed a strong hip problem that at the hospital they said she needs hip replacement. We waited until December until she could finally see someone and the god damn doctor was totally indifferent to her suffering as well as rough with her. His two assistants recognized she needs hip surgery desperately, but he wants to see her in three months until she quits smoking and loses weight :/ and.... she's been really suffering, I don't know how we're gonna wait that long. Yesterday she wound up going to the hospital because she's in so much pain and can't walk to the bathroom. Moving, sitting, walking is a lot for her. She says the lord's prayer going down the stairs and cries out while getting in or out of the car. Her primary won't prescribe her any more muscle relaxants or epidurals(?) and the stupid hip doctor wouldn't prescibe her anything either. The hospital people said they gave her pain meds and were going to see about putting her in a physical rehab tomorrow but the last I talked to my mom, it hurt too much to move and she couldn't get out of bed. As she's said, the problem has just been worsening. We are having a very hard time finding other hip doctors and aren't striking luck through the insurance company. If her insurance doesn't let her go to a rehab like it's sometimes done, I don't know what to do, and if she can't find a hip surgeon when she can't walk, I don't know what to do... don't know what will become of us.
Lately, maybe because my mom is too tired to be manipulative or angry at me, or she's somehow changing, we're getting along well and I feel really close to her again. I've been having to take on more things and do stuff for her like cooking or fetching her things more often. Thanks to the medicine, I feel a little with-it in regards to energy and (somewhat) keeping on top with stuff. I feel like I basically take care of her and often have to think for her. She has a lot of brain fog from the pain. I don't like taking care of people like this, but I also feel obligated and I also would rather do something for her than hear her crying out in pain. It's a really terrible situation...
I feel like, (and she feels like too), she's always sick and something's always happening. It's been this way all of my life. I think when I was 0-5 that's when my mom wasn't strick with chronic pain. But since I was young, everything has always had to revolve around her pain and how many steps she can take, how much she can do in a day, what energy she has. I know it's not her fault but it really sucks. The law that came down hard on pain patients really sucks. And this whole shebang, indifferent doctors, lack of available care, insurance bullshit, really sucks.
My grandma hasn't been doing well either. Today she called me and she said she was doing bad - I think that's why she called. She's going to see the doctor tomorrow to see what's up. I know it's problems with her heart and breathing - last week, she had gone to the ER with congestive heart failure. I've been worried about her. It's why I'm celebrating Krissmilk without problem.
I feel bad for my mom who might not be able to come. I think this will be the third year she's had to miss out on it. I wanted her to come too because I knew she really wanted to but from the sounds of it, before the hospital, she wasn't sure about making it up the stairs. I feel bad because I won't be able to see her either. But, she told me to go even if she couldn't come. That's what she wants.
