lapkaboo | ADHD meds and other musings

I really think it's the anxiety meds that are gonna do it for me because when the atarax does work, I feel very calm and serene. The thoughts don't come, and if they do barrage me, it's like I don't get upset or triggered like I normally do. However, I wonder what the adhd meds will do for me in that regard? I read someone saying that when they finally took meds, their head got really quiet and for the first time they felt calm in their mind. I never used to have this problem with the constant rumination and thinking until my later years at that place, which continued for years without me realizing it because it just became "normal" to me. Then trying to be around the wrong people didn't help, being vulnerable to what turned out to be Very the wrong people didn't help... and general unhealthy net space from years prior... I will say too my mom lays a hand in that - because of her extreme sensitivity/explosive anger I was having to rephrase smth over and over in my head until I can make it sound most appeasing and gentle which doesn't/didn't help either. And I really think in order for me to achieve true mental tranquility/healing I definitely need my own place and to cut contact with my mom. I almost dropped that in a message I was going to send to my aunt today but I feel like I should do happy or fun things with her first before I say something loaded like that. It's a little frustrating because there's so much I want/need to ask help from her for. I think I've probably said a lot of this before. But yeah.