Well.

I seem to only pop back around here when I'm doing unwell. It's too much for me to mentally visit, but I might change as a person. Because I am feeling unsteady emotionally, I may have just burnt bridges with an important family member and idk, maybe I'll drift away from more people. I've already lost affection towards my grandma for not being the same person I knew her as, and, well... it's sad because of the version of her I hold in my heart, but I just don't care for her in the current now.

I feel exhausted from asking people how they're doing and trying to open up or hoping they'll ask how I am back, just for them to not do that. It feels very unfair even if I understand that someone may be busy. But like, you know... you want the care of a friend, show it back. Show interest in my health and my emotional state as I do yours. Or don't. I'll just let myself drift away and invest only in reciprocal connections.

I think being cooped up inside is causing my ruminations to appear again. I have really come to detest winter, not just for the cold but the way it makes me not want to leave the house. At least it'll be better when mom comes home...

Yeah, mom... been in the hospital since Tuesday ): I think. That or Wednesday. All she needs is an mri now, and if the results are good, she can come home. While I love the alone time, I feel kind of in limbo.

The good news is: I'm getting groceries today! After surviving on pizza and cereal for nearly a week 🫠

(The downside? It's the family member I mentioned... I really don't want to see or talk to her right now. I don't even want to fight, like, just come and go. Leave me alone.)

So uh, yeah, I might be changing.