(no subject)

Lately I haven't been taking my medicine consistently so I've been drifting, particularly in the shower. In the morning the thing I look forward most to is coffee, but maybe I should go back to taking my meds first thing. It's what kept me stable, after all.

That said, it's been a little over a year since I've been on paxil. So thankful for it.

Every night I've been dreaming of the idiot. It's been mostly nice dreams, so it makes me miss him... the good side of him, anyway. I don't know if he'd just been hiding that bad side or if there was a shift in the way he saw me, or maybe my own blips became too much for him to hold back. Not that it justifies his behavior. I do think this is it, though, since he exited my life this time. Even if he comes to me with puppy dog eyes, I intend to keep it that way. I'm done.

Tomorrow my mom and I are going to my aunt's. Since she and my cousin were sick on Christmas, my aunt wants to celebrate it again with them. I'm looking forward to it.

I've decided to go at my Dutch learning a little more. I want to be able to understand it, even if I don't write well in it yet. Strangely, it's easier for me to understand spoken than Swedish...

I wish it could be the next day already. Nights are lonely.